We have all been taught to belittle our genitals. From a young age we hear them referred as junk, snatch, your nasty bits or parts. Even when we say things like ‘your fucked’ or ‘fuck you’ in the harsh pejorative, we are playing a negative sexual cord in the subconscious instead of creating the harmony we need to create a sacred sexual act. There is so much negative language around sex, that the Word, the Logos or the sound current that brings the divine into manifestation, is constantly being abused in relation to the body and its beautiful acts of sexual love on this planet. In this way, our sexuality has been devolving instead of evolving for thousands of years. If sex is not valued, how can life be, when life comes directly from sex?
As conscious creators of sacred sexual love and ecstasy, we have to find language that sings the praises of our sex organs and the sex act, if indeed we want a profound, uplifting experience. While there is room for the entire range from the sacred to the profane within sacred sexuality; in our repressive, sex negative culture, access to sublime exultation has been missing for so long, for so many.
Having sweet nicknames for the genitals is a place to start. Currently, I love calling my lover’s lingam the Dragon or the kingly Lord Dragon or the knightly Sir Dragon. We play on and on with the metaphor of the Dragon returning to his sacred lair and I am always breathing his fire up my spine. It is very playful , endearing and bonding for us and creates our own private couple culture.
The tantric and taoist systems exalt the genitals with names like: Jade Stock, Jade or Golden Palace; Lingam, which means wand of light, and Yoni, which means sacred space. These expressions truly celebrate our genitals and engage our imagination in new ways. Of course, you may feel that such words are too pretentious. If so, find your own. It is fun and loving to use to new words and create emotional associations with them.
You can also reclaim words like fuck, cock and pussy and say them in ways that are powerful to you and hold them in the highest esteem. When DH Lawrence used those word in Lady Chatterly’s Lover they took on high literary status. In the movie Bull Durham, Kevin Costner tells Susan Sarandon: “ What I believe in is the heart and the soul, the pussy and cock, “ and you know he is speaking with the full power of his heart when he says it. Every word you say will have either a constructive or deleterious effect on your subconscious sexual energy, identity, and experience depending on the energy and intention you are holding.
One friend I had growing up used to say the word “fuck” in such a soft, sensual, mellifluous way, that it always made me feel as if I had just walked into the garden of Eden. Many people have never felt free enough to use that kind of language, so it is worth exploring to see how it makes you feel.
Sex is a creative act whether you are creating a baby or not. In tantra, we use sexual energy to consciously create things that are for our highest good and that of all concerned. We do this by dedicating our orgasms to things we want to manifest in our lives. I highly recommend working on manifesting soul qualities and desires for greater love, intimacy and effortless communication in your relationship, before using the energy to manifest material things like: greater wealth, a house, car or boat. We can use sexual energy to manifest anything we want but in tantra we would not use it to further an agenda of greed or exploitation as that would actually be considered black magic.
Still, there is no right or wrong in tantra. It is a judgement free state of consciousness and being. We should all feel free to experience and express anything we really want in whatever way feels authentic and uninhibited: as long as it is completely consensual and we are and not causing any harm to ourselves or others and, in fact, honoring them instead.